I am trying to get through this day without falling apart. 
Today is. Such a long day…  

I’ve tried several times, to think hard of a “happy place,” maybe I’m not putting enough effort into this place, or just don’t have one. I’m still not sure about this supposed heaven in my mind. I try to be less unsure about things of late. 
I don’t have a happy place. Not yet, at least. 
I have a lot of things, though, that elevate my level of happiness… 

I’m a recovering undercover over-lover 
recovering from a love I can’t get over 
recovering undercover over-lover 
and now my common law lover thinks he wants another 

And I’d lie for you 
I’d cry for you 
and pop for you 
and break for you 
and hate for you 
And I’ll hate you too 
If you want me too 
Ah, Uuu… 
I’d pray for you 
crochet for you 
Make it from scratch for you 
Leave out the last for you 
Go to the store for you 
Do it some more for you 
Do what you want me to 
Yes I’m a fool for you… 

I know things. 
It’s a very weird feeling. But this is a feeling that has been there (in me) since I can remember. 

People won’t know that I know, and they’re wrong, 
sometimes somebody will know that I know… 
And I will see it in their eyes 
the acknowledgement that they are where I am… 
A knowing glance of respect and approval 
that they know what I know.

But I know nothing.
Because even when the signs are there, I won’t see them.
Maybe I let myself believe there’s signs in the first place,
I don’t know anything. 

But I want to learn.